Can a Marriage Survive Marital Infidelity?

Marital infidelity. Two words no couple wants to hear, much less face in their relationship. While the healing process is not an easy one, a marriage can survive marital infidelity.

How can I earn my spouse’s trust back after marital infidelity?

Marital infidelity can shake a marriage down to its foundation. If trust was once reasonably strong in your marriage, but has since been broken, your next step is to try to rebuild it. This rebuilding process will not always be easy. But it is possible, taking time, hard work, and commitment from both partners.

Each partner has a role to play in rebuilding trust after marital infidelity. The one who committed marital infidelity in an affair must work to become trustworthy, while the other needs to work on being able to trust. If the marriage is to survive, both must do all they can to live up to these goals and change negative patterns.

Marital Infidelity: How to Rebuild Trust

Communicate trust with your words and actions. Actions speak louder than words, but both are important in rebuilding trust. Reveal to your spouse that you haven't been as trustworthy as he or she deserves, and explain that you intend to work to become completely trustworthy. Acknowledge that this will not be easy for your spouse after marital infidelity. Ask if there are particular things you tend to do that feel threatening to your spouse's trust, and take note of what your spouse says.

Say what you'll do; do what you say. Take it a step farther, and ensure your words can be trusted. Promises, big or small, carry a lot of weight, especially after marital infidelity, so measure your words carefully. If you say, "I'll be home at 6:00," do whatever it takes to be home on time. If something out of your control prevents you from keeping your word, let your spouse know right away. Whenever possible, go above and beyond what may be expected of you, and make sure you keep control over your word as much as possible.

Get help if necessary. When trust has been shaken because of marital infidelity, it's important that you both address all of the issues involved. Having the help of professional assistance is often important in promoting healing and rebuilding trust. If your spouse continues to bring up prior offenses well after you’ve proved yourself over a long period of time, it may be beneficial to both of you and your marriage to visit a professional therapist or counselor.

Be persistent. It seems to take a lot more time, effort, and determination to rebuild trust than it did to get it in the first place. Remember, this won’t be easy for your spouse, and could even take years. You may not get the exact response you're looking for from your spouse right away. But be persistent, and stay committed to your goal of making your marriage survive marital infidelity.

Trust is a cornerstone for a healthy, committed marriage. It is essential that, after marital infidelity, you and your spouse work to rebuild that cornerstone. The more each of you can improve your own trustworthiness, as well as your ability to trust, the deeper your relationship will be able to grow, and the more success you’ll have overcoming marital infidelity.

Additional Resources:
Dealing With Anger in a Marriage
U.S. Department of Health & Human Services Administration for Children & Families
The National Marriage Project
Marriage Matters Newsletter
Marriage -- A Many-Splendored, Sometimes Splintered, Thing
Handling Common Relationship Problems