How can we stop divorce by managing our conflict?
Stop divorce before it happens? You really can. Marriage takes hard work even in the best of situations, and if you're at a point when you're wondering about a way to stop divorce, then it's likely that a great deal of effort is going to be required. But yes, it is possible to stop divorce from occurring.
Key to stopping divorce is dealing with conflict effectively. By thinking about the conflict-management styles you both use, you can give yourself the opportunity to stop divorce before it can occur. Read through the following descriptions and see which strategies you use most often:
Less-effective strategies to help you stop divorce:
Conflict-management style #1: AVOIDING
Some people hate conflict and therefore avoid it at all cost, expecting that they can stop divorce by sidestepping conflict. There are certainly times when it's best to avoid conflict; for example, if you need to cool down or wait for a better time or place to address the issue. But avoiding arguments is certainly not going to help you stop divorce. If avoiding is your predominant style of conflict management, you're probably not really managing conflict, or taking effective actions to resolve issues. At some point, in order to achieve health and wholeness in the relationship—as well as to stop divorce—the conflict itself will need to be addressed.
Conflict-management style #2: FORCING
This conflict-management style is used when one spouse uses their power and/or authority to settle issues according to what they deem best, typically without regard for the concerns of their mate. Clearly, this is not an effective way to consistently manage conflict and stop divorce. There may be rare occasions when time or circumstances call for a forced decision, even if that means the other person is left feeling their concerns were not adequately taken into consideration. But this shouldn't be the norm, and when it happens, it's important to discuss the situation later and make any necessary repairs to the relationship.
More-effective strategies to help you stop divorce:
Conflict-management style #3: COMPROMISING
Compromising when we don't agree can lead to quick solutions. With this style, we resolve conflict by each giving up some of our ideal, and even though the resolution or outcome isn't entirely satisfying to either partner, we come up with a solution that we can both accept or live with. Compromising is an important skill and gives you a better chance to stop divorce, as long as both of you can feel that your needs and desires are being considered.
Conflict-management style #4: COLLABORATING
When we collaborate, we work with our mate to find a mutually satisfying solution to our problems. Collaborating involves taking into consideration each person's needs and concerns, the factors that contribute to the conflict, and possible solutions or outcomes. We then make decisions together that both of us feel good about—or at the very least can live with. Of all of the conflict-management styles, this one has been shown to be most effective in both resolving conflict and maintaining mutual respect and healthy interdependence between partners. And that's how to stop divorce.
It may be that now is a time for you and your spouse to consider some sort of professional therapy. If you're open to that and feel that it might be helpful in your efforts to stop divorce, we strongly encourage you to explore that option. But whether you decide to seek counseling or not, you can immediately begin improving the way you handle conflict together. If you can improve your ability to compromise and collaborate, you just might do more than merely stop divorce. You'll actually give yourself the chance to build a marriage that's stronger and deeper than you thought possible.
Additional Resources:
http://www.healthfinder.gov/orgs/HR2417.htm
http://marriage.rutgers.edu
http://marriageandfamilies.byu.edu/
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/healthymarriage/
